May 31, 2014

Buzz Kill

Invite to fabulous new friend's 40th birthday party - check


All dolled up in favorite dress and heels - check

Called for a private car to avoid drunk driving and the hassle of hailing a cab or rickshaw - check

Driver looks me up and down and asks me, 'To what hotel you going tonight?' Implying I must be a prostitute - check

Rage in check only because my slapjack wouldn't fit into my purse. 

Impression of Indian men in the gutter...again.

May 29, 2014

Car Talk

Mumbai traffic is much like bumper cars. It's perfectly acceptable to 'tap in' when parking. Motorcycles and rickshaws pass between vehicles, moving or parked, as long a they can wiggle through. Scooters often know when to 'stop' after they've hit the back of your car. Bigger vehicles command dominance over smaller ones, regardless of right of way. And traffic laws are mostly optional.

So after almost a year of driving in India, my car has accumulated its fair share of scrapes and scratches.  With monsoon only a few weeks away, I decided I ought to get it detailed to prevent any further damage, even though it'll be in storage over the summer.

One of the selling points of the dealership from which I bought my car was that it not only provided insurance, but also a full service maintenance garage. One stop everything - which is a luxury in India! I gave them a call, arranged the pick up, and off they went with my car. By afternoon they sent a text message with the cost breakdown and service time.

Here's what part of the message said:



      "Front both side repair work done properly, polishing also done…
now your brio car looking so priety, like black beauty!!"

May 26, 2014

Inside My Head

There's a voice I hear
In my head sometimes,
That's definitely not my own.

It's sharp and stern,
Shocked, though amused, and
Accompanied by a look of disbelief. 

I love this voice.
It makes me smile.
It's my measure for everything funny.

Sometimes it's my dad.
Sometimes it's Thea Mary.
And it only ever says one thing.

'What the hell's the matter with you?!' 

May 22, 2014

This One's For You, Bango!

This guy flipped a full cement truck on the main street in the financial district right at rush hour. AWESOME! 

May 11, 2014

Kitchen Sunshine

Nothing better than sunshine through the kitchen window and fresh vegetables. 

May 10, 2014

India is Awesome

I was awoken from sleep with a sharp pain on my face. So bad, I had to go to the mirror to check it out. 

I now have a fat, swollen lip the size of a kumquat, along with two other welts, each the size of a quarter, from some mysterious insect that attacked me while under my mosquito net! 

Awesome!

May 6, 2014

Local Solutions to Local Problems

This is How You Stop Public Urination