Contemplations on Understanding

I don't understand. 

I say this at least once a day. Though, usually far more often than that. Many times to myself, but just as often to others. And I don't understand on a multitude of levels. 

I don't understand the Indian pronunciation and accent of many English words, which quickly leads to not understanding instructions, directions, requests, and sometimes even simple greetings. The words they use seem to mean something different to them than what I know them to mean. They combine the words in such a way as they suddenly feel totally foreign to me.

I don't understand not only the words, though. So many people in India speak with seemingly clenched jaws, closed lips, and mumbled sounds while looking anywhere but to whomever they're speaking. The intonation pattern for statements and questions fluctuate from person to person. My previous strategies to understand spoken language feel useless here. I cannot read lips if they mumble and look away. When I repeat what I think I've heard, it only seems to confuse everyone more. And although they mumble to me, they shout at someone else. It's as if there is no connection between volume, tone, intonation and meaning.

I don't understand nonverbal interactions that occur between people. The famous Indian head bobble, confusing as it is, is actually the easiest to comprehend. 

'Yes, it will be done' 

'No, it will not be done but I won't say so'

'I don't know, but I don't want to admit it' 

But it's more than that. Indians look at each other without saying a word, and something is understood. But I don't understand. I haven't got a clue what was communicated, or even how. I try to observe the slightest movement of an eyebrow, or a raised lip, or an eye darting...but it's like trying to read the face of a poker player. 

I don't understand the societal norms here. Indians will turn their backs to the person they are speaking to;  they rarely make eye contact;  they scratch their privates mid conversation;  burps are released into the face of another mid-sentence; noses, ears, and teeth are picked without even an attempt at discretion; and no offense seems to be taken by any party. It's as if they can arbitrarily turn their senses on and off at will to block out distractions, and knowing this, no one takes precautions to avoid offending others. Because no one is offended in the slightest.

I don't understand how there can be kindness and affection displayed publicly between men, yet incredibly hidden towards a woman. Or how even common courtesy is not distributed equally between men and women.


Another expat recently told me to 'stop trying to understand them' as it didn't matter and was far easier to simply ignore it all and do as you please.  And yet, I so desperately want to understand, if only on a superficial level, at least some things that go on around me.

I've read all the books I was given on Indian culture, culture shock, history, and financial and political development. I've made a huge effort to get out into Indian society by attending plays, art exhibitions, poetry readings, social discourse panels, and stand up comedy (it's surprising the insight a comedian can offer into a culture!). I'm trying to learn Hindi. Whenever I'm out I'm observing and taking in as much as possible. I've become friends with kind colleagues who've lived her longer and can share their own observations and knowledge.

And yet...it's such a steep learning curve. I wonder sometimes what I am meant to understand.

Liars and Thieves...?

For as long as I can remember, liars and thieves have been the two types of people I've despised most in the world. They deceive others for their own gain and nothing good can come of it, was the way I thought.

Living in Mumbai now, not a week has gone by when someone didn't tell me, 'be careful, you can't trust people.' I assumed they simply meant there are liars and thieves in India like everywhere else. I also assumed we had the same definition of a liar and a thief.

But it seems we don't. At least, not exactly.

India is complicated in the sense that there isn't ONE national identity...or language, or religion, or culture, which means no one actually thinks alike entirely.  For the most part, the Catholic, Muslim, and Parsi Indians seem to have a similar conception of ethics as what we follow in the west...similar, though not exact, but I feel I can relate. The Hindu Indians, and its various sub-sects, have a totally different view of the world, how it work, what is right or wrong - and it completely throws my thinking paradigm on its head!

So this is what I struggle with daily. I want to understand, but none of it makes sense to me. It truly is the most FOREIGN thing I've ever encountered in my life.

If you find a wallet filled with money on the ground -that's your good karma. It's a reward for something you've done in a past life and it's yours to keep. Period.

I will tell you what I think you want to hear, even if it is untrue, in order to keep you happy because I can accumulate good karma in this life by not disturbing or upsetting others.

There isn't really a sense of right or wrong, but rather the shame of being found out with inadequate means to an end.  Or of creating a disturbance of some sort. Although money is valued, as in so many other cultures, how you get it or save it is of no ethical importance. Power is valued, so how you maintain it is of no matter.   Hence the rampant corruption, everywhere.

I find myself astounded every time I open the papers and read another outrageous corruption story or university cheating scandal or wild fiasco. And even though the newspapers are shamelessly sensationalized, it's still amazing how much deception occurs on a regular basis. It makes one feel incredibly naive, and distrustful.


And yet, I've met so many lovely people -  kind women on the train or in the street who have gone out of their way to share advice;  taxi drivers who laugh about the traffic;  Indian colleagues who have invited me to their homes, shared their sharp wit, and guided me in navigating Indian shops and bargaining. And of course the incredibly honest siblings who discovered and returned my iphone when it fell out of my bag in a rickshaw.  There are wonderful people here...who keep telling me not to trust anyone! It's quite confusing.

It is definitely a reality check for me in many ways, and something I hadn't anticipated. The foundation of culture shock.

POOJA Ceremony

Today I finalized the purchase of my new car - a Honda Brio. 

In India, they do a pooja ceremony for any 'new beginning'. It's basically a blessing, and since I bought a new car, they needed to do a pooja ceremony for it and I had to be in it. 

First, I had to dip my ring finger into a red liquid and put a swastika and five dots on the engine, then throw turmeric powder on it, followed by rice.

After that, they hung a garland of marigolds across the hood and had me break a coconut. 

Then they splashed the coconut water over the engine, and put the rest in the cup holder.

I now officially own a car. Stick shift right hand drive...again!

Ganpati Celebrations

Ganesha is the elephant-headed, Hindu god of new beginnings, the remover of obstacles, sone other things, and THE favorite god of the people in Maharashtra state, especially Mumbai.

The celebration of his birth, Ganesh Chaturthi, happens annually and lasts ten days, with certain days being more auspicious than others. These are the days that families try to coordinate his arrival and departure. 

Basically, every good Hindu family celebrates his birth by welcoming him into their home and attending to him as their honored guest. A statue of the god, once made out of clay but now more often than not out of plaster, is paraded through the streets with 'music' and 'dancing' and then put in a prominent place in the home. My neighbors have him in their table. They cover him with flowers, burn incense for him, and leave food offerings for him. 

As the honored guest while in their home,  he is never left alone, someone always stays with him to attend to him. The family members will sit in the floor while he remains on the table. 

When his 'visit' is over, as determined by each family, they then parade the statue, again with 'music' and 'dancing' to the sea and 'immerse' him. 

When the statues were made of clay, they just deteriorated which wasn't so bad as Mumbai had less than half it's current population. But now that they're all made of plaster, and close to twenty million people do this, it make the sea quite polluted. 

Here's a brief video I took tonight of a family 'parading' Ganesh to their home. This is on front of my building complex, facing the hotel, on our two lane road with parking in wait her side and them taking up one lane. 

HAPPY GANPATI! 

WELCOME

There's a WELCOME mat outside my apartment door. It's quite useful considering all the dust and dirt one brings in on their shoes from the street.

Whenever they clean the hallway in the building, they turn the mat around so it doesn't say WELCOME when you arrive to my apartment. It always annoyed me when it was backward, so I'd always spin it round so it would greet visitors properly. 

Today, however, when I got home and once again it was backwards, it dawned on me that, maybe, someone was trying to welcome ME to India.