Contemplations on Understanding

I don't understand. 

I say this at least once a day. Though, usually far more often than that. Many times to myself, but just as often to others. And I don't understand on a multitude of levels. 

I don't understand the Indian pronunciation and accent of many English words, which quickly leads to not understanding instructions, directions, requests, and sometimes even simple greetings. The words they use seem to mean something different to them than what I know them to mean. They combine the words in such a way as they suddenly feel totally foreign to me.

I don't understand not only the words, though. So many people in India speak with seemingly clenched jaws, closed lips, and mumbled sounds while looking anywhere but to whomever they're speaking. The intonation pattern for statements and questions fluctuate from person to person. My previous strategies to understand spoken language feel useless here. I cannot read lips if they mumble and look away. When I repeat what I think I've heard, it only seems to confuse everyone more. And although they mumble to me, they shout at someone else. It's as if there is no connection between volume, tone, intonation and meaning.

I don't understand nonverbal interactions that occur between people. The famous Indian head bobble, confusing as it is, is actually the easiest to comprehend. 

'Yes, it will be done' 

'No, it will not be done but I won't say so'

'I don't know, but I don't want to admit it' 

But it's more than that. Indians look at each other without saying a word, and something is understood. But I don't understand. I haven't got a clue what was communicated, or even how. I try to observe the slightest movement of an eyebrow, or a raised lip, or an eye darting...but it's like trying to read the face of a poker player. 

I don't understand the societal norms here. Indians will turn their backs to the person they are speaking to;  they rarely make eye contact;  they scratch their privates mid conversation;  burps are released into the face of another mid-sentence; noses, ears, and teeth are picked without even an attempt at discretion; and no offense seems to be taken by any party. It's as if they can arbitrarily turn their senses on and off at will to block out distractions, and knowing this, no one takes precautions to avoid offending others. Because no one is offended in the slightest.

I don't understand how there can be kindness and affection displayed publicly between men, yet incredibly hidden towards a woman. Or how even common courtesy is not distributed equally between men and women.


Another expat recently told me to 'stop trying to understand them' as it didn't matter and was far easier to simply ignore it all and do as you please.  And yet, I so desperately want to understand, if only on a superficial level, at least some things that go on around me.

I've read all the books I was given on Indian culture, culture shock, history, and financial and political development. I've made a huge effort to get out into Indian society by attending plays, art exhibitions, poetry readings, social discourse panels, and stand up comedy (it's surprising the insight a comedian can offer into a culture!). I'm trying to learn Hindi. Whenever I'm out I'm observing and taking in as much as possible. I've become friends with kind colleagues who've lived her longer and can share their own observations and knowledge.

And yet...it's such a steep learning curve. I wonder sometimes what I am meant to understand.